You know how you go to the mall, and they have that "Build a Bear Workshop." How cool is that place? Did you know they have the Marvel Avengers bears? They have the Hulk, and Captain America. They have Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle bears--Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael, Donatello. They have My Little Pony bears--now those are some messed up, confused bears, but hey. They got the Disney Frozen bears--Anna Bear, Elsa Bear, Olaf. I know, I know. Let it go, let it go. . . right?
Who came up with the "Build a Bear" concept? What are they, like a billionaire? Have you seen the way kids descend on that place? This past week I spoke to an entrepreneurial group of single ladies. They were like, "Forget Build a Bear Workshop... there should be a Build-A-Man Workshop!"
I probably should have run for the hills, but I knew I'd be preaching today! Anyway, they were like, "I want a man whose strong in spirit, leadership and life. A man who will be a good father, and influence for my kids. A man attends church, but more than that, is growing in Christ, who is an effective leader, and can push me to grow!"
Have you heard that song on the radio 6'2"? These ladies were like, "He has to be taller than 5'7". Another was like, "No, he just has to be taller than me." Another was like, "I'll forego any height requirements so long as he has the other qualities!"
They were just getting warmed up! "He has to be older than me... no younger... no, within 6 years!" He has to be my best friend, easy to talk to, no struggles, save the drama for your momma. He needs to laugh, and have a sense of humor! He can drink a little, but he has to be free from addictions. He can't have the man-child syndrome (a man who acts like a child). He needs to be secure in himself, he can have a bit of an edge, he has to be intelligent. He has to have proper written and spoken communication! He has to care about his health. Not overweight, not skinny, medium build, just right. He has to think I'm hot, and the best one out there for him. There has to be chemistry. He has to some style. No body piercings, no tattoos."
"He has to be emotionally mature, engage in constructive conflict, be goal oriented. He has to be free from emotional baggage, and attachments to past relationships. He can't be a mommas boy! Cut those apron strings!" One of the ladies said, "He has to recycle... okay... He must promise to start recycling!"
Unfortunately I had to break the news to these ladies on the whole "Build-a-Man Workshop" thing--your Build-A-Man can only come with two options! You can't have everything! Just two. Ladies, what would you choose? "Hmmm... I'll take eco-friendly recycler with a good sense of humor." (That's how lot women feel about men).
Actually, let's run with this thing. I think the church is the closest thing you'll find to a "Build-a-Man Workshop." No question about it! Not only do we worship/follow greatest man who ever walked earth, we have unique capacity to become fully like Him!
This is exactly what I want to talk about today. All of us men becoming like Jesus... actually imitating Christ instead of being a caricature of the man God created you to be. This is what Paul is talking about in Ephesians 5:1-2, "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
A lot of men act like children. If you're going to act like a child, be a child a God. Live like Jesus. Love like Jesus. Give like Jesus. Sacrifice like Jesus. What does Paul have in mind when he speaks of men imitating God?
Don't even let there be a hint of sexual immorality in your life. Stop being impure, driven by greed, filled with lust. Act like a holy man. Curtail the obscenities, the foolish talk, the coarse joking. Actually be grateful for what you have. Come out of the darkness into the light. Drink less. Be filled with the Spirit of the Living God more. Exude worship and praise. Make music in your heart. Build up your wife, and family, don't exasperate your children. Don't grieve the Holy Spirit. In your anger do not sin. Do not give the Devil a foothold in your life. Stop lying and be truthful for a change. Work hard and provide generously for others instead of stealing, exploiting, seeking easy gain (summation of Ephesians 4-5).
Men, if you have a relationship with Jesus, everything about your life should be changing. If nothing about your life is changing, maybe your relationship with Jesus is a farce. What are you going to do about that? "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, malice. Be kind, compassionate, forgive just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:31-32). If you're good with Jesus, you're becoming more like him.
See, that's the problem. You can't live, love, give, and sacrifice until you're whole life is orbiting around the person and work of Jesus Christ. Many guys want to be a better man. But you'll never become a better man, unless the Spirit of the Living God dwells within you. Smoking pot, drinking it up, being filled with lust, filling your wallet/accounts flush with cash, filling your life with luxuries, living for pleasure, none of these things make you better. Being filled with the Holy Spirit makes you better!
"All of us lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest we were by nature objects of wrath." (Ephesians 2:3). Something has to change deep within a man.
Paul earnestly prays, "I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:14-19)
Men what are you full of? I know what women think some of us are full of! But it's certainly not the Spirit of God. It's certainly not the love of Christ.
The Apostle Paul believes men can change, and be better. "Now to him who is able to immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen." (Ephesians 3:20-21).
Did you hear that? God promises to do more than all we can ask or imagine. Men, we need to claim the power and promise of God to change us. Look again. God's power isn't just something that can change us, it can change generations after us. Imagine not just this generation, but generations of men after you, rising up to honor Christ Jesus. The entire trajectory of lives, marriages, children, families, cities, churches, nations changed all because of the power of God!
Have you read your Bible? It takes one man standing firm in Christ, full of the Holy Spirit, to change the tide. The trouble is, a lot of men don't think it can be them. Maybe you're like Peter. "Go away from me Lord, I'm a sinful man." You're like Moses, "I stumble and bumble in my speech." You're like Timothy / Jeremiah, "I'm just a child. People look down on me because I am young." You're like Isaiah, "I'm ruined. I'm a man of unclean lips. Everyone I know is unclean." You're like Adam, "God, the woman you gave me makes me sin."
Blah, Blah, Blah. God knows your excuses. He gets it. You don't think you are salvageable. You think you are beyond repair, that your condition can't change. You're a boy rapped in a man's body. No! God does more than you ask/imagine according to his power that's at work within you. He changes you. He gets the glory.
The most noteworthy characteristic of Jesus was his relationship to Holy Spirit. He was conceived of Holy Spirit, baptized in the Spirit, led by the Spirit into wilderness, where overcame temptation. He ministered in power of Spirit, breathed the Spirit on his disciples. God does ask you to be a self-made man. What he offers if for you to become a Spirit-made man--a man fashioned in exact image of his son Jesus. The first is all about you getting the glory, the latter is about God getting the glory.
In Ephesians 5 Paul describes what it looks like when he Builds-A-Man. I'm going to mentioned seven attributes of a man being built by God.
1.) ARE YOU SUBMITTED TO CHRIST (5:21)?
Ephesians 5:21, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Really, if you want to summarize what God first changes about a man, this is it. A spiritual man submits/accountable to something greater than himself. He submits to Jesus. Jesus is his "Lord." But more than that. His life brings glory and honor to Jesus.
What does submission to God look like? Jesus was a man, just like us, and the Bible says he was tempted in every way but was without sin. I would argue that Jesus experienced even greater temptation than that average man. Take the temptations Jesus faced in the wilderness.
He was tempted by PLEASURE, Satan said, "Jesus, turn these stones into bread." If Jesus could turn water into wine, he could surely turn stones into bread! Jesus had the ability to make pleasure happen for himself and others instantaneously. To some degree we all have this same power. A credit card puts you a swipe away from just about any pleasure you can imagine, right? Anyone can live for pleasure, even a bum laying in an alleyway swigging on a bottle. Our whole lives are oriented around pleasure. If it feels good, how can it be so wrong? Why deny your pleasures? But God enables us to say no to pleasure and YES to godliness.
Jesus was tempted by POWER, Satan said, "Bow down and worship me and I'll give you the world." In other words, just be ruthless! Take short cuts. Lie a little. Fudge the numbers. Cross the line. Get yours. Control. Dominate. Manipulate. Conquer. Exploit. Seduce. Gain advantage. Use. Discard. Obligate people to you. Threaten. Sue. Bully. Undermine. Sabotage. Sell your soul, nobody will know.
Jesus was also tempted by POPULARITY, Satan said, "Throw yourself down from the temple, let the angels catch you." Make a spectacle of yourself. Be noticed. Go big. Get your fifteen minutes of shame (I mean fame). Be the funniest guy in the room. Say what people want to hear. Get recognition. Boast. Brag. Make a name for yourself.
If given the choice between what gives pleasure or honoring Jesus... what bolsters your power or honoring Jesus... what makes you popular or honoring Jesus... what drives you? God rebuilds us, so that what most defines us... and defines the relationships we maintain with other people around us... is our submission to what brings Jesus pleasure, power, and glory.
2.) ARE YOU RESPECTING HER SPACE (5:22)?
Ephesians 5:22, "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord." Realize for a moment that this verse isn't just written for women, it's written just as much as a reminder to men. Men, women have an obligation to God that runs infinitely deeper than any obligation to a man. She has a deeper loyalty, a deeper responsibility, commitment, accountability, for revering Christ. With this in mind, no man should never put a woman in a place where she has to choose between obeying his desires, and honoring Jesus. A real man gives his girlfriend, fiancée, spouse space to flourish in Christ! Before any woman is yours in any way, she is first/foremost God's woman! Real men give dignity, respect, freedom to women to flourish in Christ.
A while back Lara and I were driving down Veteran's Parkway, and we noticed hundreds of birds sitting on a power line. They were sitting on the wire, in perfect uniformity, with the exact same amount of space between them. I started to contemplate this marvel of creation. Why the exact spacing? Suddenly, I found my answer. When one of the male birds "mistakenly" encroached on the space of one of the lady birds, she immediately turned and "beaked" at him. He didn't like it, and moved back over! Those birds had learned to stay just outside of "beak" range. Not even birds like getting "beaked" at!
Men, if you don't want to get "beaked at", respect your wife as an individual. Do not encroach on the space she needs to grow in Christ. Honor her conscience, her freedom and will, her devotion to Christ.
If you are a man, here is my advice. Every woman fits into one of our categories. You can have a virtually infinite number of mothers (These are women older than you). You can have a virtually infinite number of sisters (These are women your age). You can have a virtually infinite number of daughters (These are women younger than you). But you can only have ONE LOVER, and it's your wife, and you are to respect the most intimate and sacred part of soul--her devotion to Christ. Never ruin a mother, sister, daughter, or any woman for your pleasure, power, or popularity. God is building men who know what it means to honor not just their wife, but all women.
3.) ARE YOU SUBMIT-WORTHY (5:23-24)?
Ephesians 5:23-24, "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
A lot of men are pretty arrogant about this verse. They get a head rush thinking about a woman submitting to their authority, and being the "head of the household." In all honesty though, it ought to terrify you, not puff up your ego. Headship is always about duty, service, and accountability to God. A woman's submission to you ought to bring out the best in her. Instead of asking who ought to be submitting to us, we ought to be asking, who would a woman become if she did? If a woman isn't going along with your whims, do you ever stop to consider maybe there's a good reason for it?
God is building men who see their position in a relationship as that of a servant. You're there to serve your wife, not control, abuse, and manipulate her.
4.) ARE YOU SELF-GIVING (5:25)?
Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. . ."
Men, the truth is that we make the deepest sacrifices for what we love the most. There was a husband recently who went to the sheriff's department to report that his wife was missing. He told the sheriff, "My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and hasn't come home."
"Well, what is her height?" the Sheriff asked. "Gee, I'm not sure," the husband said, "A little over five-feet tall?"
"What's her weight?" the Sheriff asked. "Don't know. Not slim, not really fat."
"The Color of her eyes?" "Hmm. Never noticed." The husband said.
"Color of hair?" "It changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown?"
"What was she wearing?" "Maybe a skirt or shorts? I don't remember exactly."
"What kind of car did she go in?" the Sheriff asked. "She went in my truck."
"What kind of truck was it?" the Sheriff asked.
"It was a Brand new 2015 Ford F150 ... King Ranch 4X4 ... with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. It has added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. The wife put a small scratch on the driver's door..."
At this point the husband started choking up, and the Sheriff began consoling the grief-stricken man. "Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck."
Men, what do you most value? Jesus loved the church so much he gave himself up for her. Philippians 2:5 says Jesus literally poured himself up, he expended himself, for the church. Jesus valued us more than his own life. And this is the kind of men God is building through the church. Men who love wives as Christ loved the Church.
5.) ARE YOU MAKING HER BEAUTIFUL (5:26-27)?
Ephesians 5:25-27, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."
What I most want you to notice in this verse is what makes a woman beautiful--its words, and in particular, God's word. Men, sometime read Proverbs 31--Proverbs 31 is a woman at very best--fully living for the glory of God, and for the good of her husband, family, and community. Proverbs 31 makes any man's mouth water. But let me ask, what kinds of words do you suppose made her a Proverbs 31 woman?
I hear the way men talk to their wives. "Loser. Stupid idiot. Lazy, good-for-nothing piece of trash." Those are just things I can say in the pulpit. I could never repeat the kind of vulgarities and crash phraseology men typically use. Men, every word you speak has the power to produce life and death. Are your words breathing life into your wife? Into your marriage? Into your family?
The very best words you can speak over anyone you love are the very words of God. Why would you speak words of hate, anger, perversion over your wife? When you hurt your wife you are really only hurting yourself.
Sometimes Lara will put herself down. Maybe she'll say something derogatory about herself. Usually I will confront her by saying, "Don't talk about my wife like that!" I know it sounds corny, but words damage no matter what the source. You sure better not let your kids, or family members, or anyone else speak evil over your wife.
I'll even say this. You want to change your marriage for the better, change your words. If you're words are right you will have the perfect wife of your dreams. If your words are wrong you reap what you sow. God is building men who pure in speech.
6.) ARE YOU SINGULARLY DEVOTED (5:28-32)?
Ephesians 5:28-32, "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church-- for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church."
These verses are reflecting a profound truth about sexuality. The essence of sexuality is two becoming one flesh. And not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually. In sex, two souls are deeply wed/joined together. Biblically, sex is the marriage altar, where two become one. Theologically, you get married and divorced everytime you engage in sexual relations only to abandon the other person.
Just because you didn't stand at the church altar, and sign a legal document, doesn't mean your free, clear of danger. When two come together, but then are ripped apart, its devastating. When the soul sins sexually, not just one soul, but two souls are ravaged. There is guilt, shame, anxiety. Self-condemnation. Regret. And sexual sin becomes the springboard for other evils--lust, adultery, divorce, abortion. If you love someone, you don't subject them to all that pain under guise of safe sex.
1 Corinthians 6:18, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body." God is building men singularly devoted to one and only one.
7.) ARE YOU SATISFIED (5:33)?
Ephesians 5:33, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
Men, this is a picture of a healthy, satisfying marriage. Notice that the man is leading with love, and the woman is reciprocating with respect. In other words, you as a man reap what you sow. If you sow love you reap respect. Better husband... better wife... happier life. But bitter wife, bitter life.
Men, don't send your wife to talk to marriage counselors, while you continue jacking around. Let's just get it over with... Let God build you into a better man. To become a better man we come full circle to Ephesians 5:22. Get your life in submission to Jesus Christ. At the end of the day, he is the only real man worth imitating. Jesus shows us not what it means to be a self-made man, but a spirit-made man... a man built by the Living God... a man who imitates God, and more perfectly reflects God's image.
Men, let's become the kind of men our wives have been praying for...