An elderly man lay in the hospital with his wife of fifty-five years sitting at his bedside. "Is that you Ethel, at my side?" he whispered? "Yes dear, it's me" she answered. He softly said to her, '''Remember years ago when I was in the Veteran's Hospital? You were with me then. You were with me when we lost everything in that fire. And Ethel, when we were poor, you stuck with me then too." Then the man let out a long sigh and said, "I tell you, Ethel, you are bad luck."
Over the last several weeks, we have been working through what is commonly referred to as the Sermon on the Mount. In the Sermon on the Mount, found in Matthew 5 through Matthew 7, Jesus addresses dozens of hot topics. He takes on spiritual legalism. He takes on religious hypocrisy and materialism. He takes on people's murderous and lustful thoughts. He speaks about worry. The Sermon on the Mount has profound relevance for us today because Jesus' challenging words hit us right where we are living.
Today we come to Jesus' controversial words concerning divorce and remarriage. It must be said that there is no easy way to talk about divorce and remarriage. The reason for that is because the issue of divorce touches nearly every family. There is a good chance that someone you love has experienced the profound pain of divorce. Perhaps it was your parents, a close friend, a neighbor, or even your spouse. An even greater number of people have seriously considered or have come close to pursuing or are in the process of settling or working through a divorce.
Divorce is something that affects all of us at some level. And something that affects us so deeply and personally is bound to not only be controversial, but to release a wide variety of emotions and responses. In no way do I want to add to the distress or pain you may already be experiencing. Such matters need to be approached with sensitivity and understanding. And yet at the same time, we cannot cheapen or dumb down or sugarcoat God's explicit will concerning something so important.
We must allow God the opportunity to weigh in on something so close to his heart. It is Jesus' example to speak on such issues with a balance of grace and truth. John 1:14 (NIV) tells us that Jesus came from the Father, "full of grace and truth." So often when addressing such subjects, we gravitate toward either grace or truth.
Sometimes we are so full of grace that we ignore the truth.
At times, before the ink even dries and a divorce is finalized, we are already showering people with assurances of God's mercy and forgiveness. We prematurely come alongside those who have sinned and declare, "peace, peace", when in fact there should be repentance, sorrow, confession, and obedience. Sometimes, in an effort to reaffirm a relationship we value, we give loved ones the impression that something so serious as divorce is an acceptable choice. The end result is that God's grace is cheapened so as to say, "Go ahead and sin. Don't worry about a thing. God's grace will clean up the mess."
The truth is that God's grace is not to be a license or impetus for sin! God's grace is not cheap grace. The price tag for God's grace was Jesus' life. Our sin, our shortcomings, and our disobedience put Jesus Christ on the cross. God's grace is not a blank check with which we can go on a shopping spree of sin. As Paul asks in Romans 6:1-2 (NIV), "Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?" To which he responds with the most powerful prohibition that could be mustered in the Greek language. "By no means!" May it never be!
At other times, we are so full of truth that we ignore God's grace.
At times, we speak exclusively of God's judgment on sin and place an enormous burden on those who have genuinely repented from sin. Instead of sharing God's mercy and forgiveness, we offer condemnation and drive people even deeper into shame, guilt, and defeat. As Jesus said of the teachers of the law in Matthew 23:4 (NIV), "They tie up heavy loads and put them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to lift a finger to move them."
Honestly, we sometimes act like divorce is the unforgivable sin. We exclude those who have been divorced from using their spiritual gifts and from serving in Christ's Church. We treat the divorced as second-class citizens, as if they have a contagious disease of which they cannot be washed, cleansed, and healed by Christ's blood. And yet if God can forgive the apostle Paul, who murdered Christians, and if God could forgive the great Moses, who murdered an Egyptian, and if God could forgive King David, who had adulterous affair with Bathsheba, and if God could anoint all three of these men with his Spirit to forever change history, then God can forgive a person who has genuinely repented of the sin of divorce. And guess what? So should we.
The one thing I love most about Christ's Church is that sinners like me can find grace. In 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 (NIV) Paul says, "...Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."
Did you hear it? That is what some of you were! Our God is an awesome God. His grace is sufficient for all of us. And if God's grace has cleansed a sinner, than far be it for any of us to add further condemnation.
Jesus' words about divorce.
With this in mind, let us now turn to Matthew 5:31-32 (NIV). Jesus begins, "It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery."
In Jesus' day as in ours, the divine institution of marriage was under attack. A number of scholars believed that God permitted divorce for whatever reason, so long as a certificate of divorce was written. If the wife was an incompetent cook, if she burnt her husband's food, if he lost interest in her because of her plain looks, or if he became enamored by the beauty of another woman, the husband had grounds for divorce!
As one man said, "I married my wife for her looks, but not the ones she's been giving me lately!" Or as a woman said, "I married Mr. Right. I just didn't know his first name was Always."
In Jesus' day, you might say that divorce was more a matter of filling out the proper legal documents and less a matter of fulfilling one's marriage vows. Divorce was convenient, it was trivialized, it was tolerated, and it was cheapened. To many, marriage was nothing more than ink on a parchment.
In our day, the same is true. The divine institution of marriage is under attack. According to USA Today, in 1957 there wasone state that had no-fault divorce. In 1995,fifty states had adopted a no-fault divorce policy. In many states it now only takesone person to legally nullify a marriage contract. Be careful not to burn the toast! It is easier than ever to get a divorce. Ladies, be careful not to burn dinner.
Our culture has a flippant view of marriage.
Pollster Louis Harris estimates that one out of eight marriages will end in divorce, with divorce rates rising to record levels every year. Today marriages are being terminated for every imaginable reason. Divorce is mostly a matter of legal documentation and paperwork. Little attention is being paid to God's design and desire for every marriage relationship. Moreover, according to a study out of the University of Maryland, the number of couples living together outside of marriage has soared from five hundred twenty-three thousand in 1970 to four million two hundred thirty-six thousand in 1998 again rising to record levels every year!
Not only are people abandoning God's design of marriage by pursuing divorce, but they are disobeying God's design altogether by living together and avoiding marriage. In Matthew 5:31-32 (NIV) Jesus sends shockwaves through his culture. "It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery."
With these words, Jesus denounces his culture and ours for having such a flippant view, not of divorce, but of marriage. Marriage is not just some handshake agreement or legal contract. Marriage is not a long-distance telephone contract or internet subscription that can be cancelled once the service starts giving off a little static. Marriage is not like purchasing a home, or buying an automobile, or taking a job. It's so much more than "just another choice" or "convenient arrangement" or certificate. Marriage is forever!
The best way to understand Jesus' teaching in Matthew 5 is to look at what Jesus says over in Matthew 19:3-9 (NIV) just a few chapters later. Some Pharisees approach Jesus to test him with a question, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" They ask the question that is burning on the hearts of so many people even today!
Pay close attention to Jesus' response. " 'Haven't you read,' he replied, 'that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.' " Notice that Jesus' answer to the question of divorce is Christian marriage. He takes us back to God's original intent at creation. What God has joined together, let man not separate! There are some very powerful lessons for us to take away from Jesus' response.
Marriage is God's design, not men's design.
Again, notice Jesus words in Matthew 19. Matthew 19:4(NIV) says that it was our creator who, "made us male and female." Matthew 19:5(NIV) indicates that it was our creator who said, "Let a man leave his father and mother and be united to his wife..." Matthew 19:5-6(NIV) says that it was our creator who ordained it that, "the two will become one flesh" and who said, "they are no longer two, but one."
Friends, from the beginning it was God who designed marriage. Unfortunately, it is us who often second guess his design. For quite some time our culture has been experimenting with other designs. You should know that in Springfield and across the United States there is a very aggressive and highly organized movement among homosexuals to have local, state, federal governments and corporations acknowledge gay marriages. I already mentioned that couples are refusing to marry at an alarming rate and are opting instead to live together. Again, they are violating God's design for marriage. And divorce rates indicate that couples are abandoning God's design and are attempting to separate that which God has brought together.
From my familiarity with television shows, magazines, and current thought, I've noticed that so many are second-guessing God's design of marriage. It is as if we are saying, "I know better than God. I can patch up his failed design with divorce." Or, "We can fail-proof God's design by living together outside of marriage." Or, "We can make marriage whatever we want."
Friends, the problem is not God's design. It is not God's design of marriage that is failing us. It is people. It is us who are failing. We must never abandon God's design of marriage. It will only create more hardship. Couples agree that the supposed cure of divorce is far worse than the disease of marriage.
I visited a lady who was facing a series of painful cancer treatments. Before she went in for treatment I asked her, "Are you going to be okay?" She said, "Jon, if I can survive a divorce, I can survive the worst that cancer can give me." The Houston Chronicle reported that couples living together outside of marriage have an eighty percent greater chance of divorce than those who don't cohabitate. Where is the evidence that men'squick fixesare better than God's design? Marriage is God's design, not men's. God's design doesn't fail. We fail!
Marriage is forever, not for a while.
In Matthew 19:6 (NIV) Jesus says, "What God has joined together let man not separate." When the people of Jesus' day heard him say this, they no doubt reacted! "Now wait a minute Jesus! What if I no longer feel anything for my spouse? Jesus, what if my wife is no longer physically attractive like she once was? Jesus, what if the only thing my spouse and I have in common is our wedding date? Jesus, what if my spouse is emotionally or physically abusive? Jesus, what if my spouse doesn't appreciate me anymore? What if we don't communicate like we used to? What if we're at each other all the time? What if my spouse develops a physical or mental disability that I can no longer tolerate? What if my spouse is emotionally unfaithful, or develops a sexual addiction, or flirts? Jesus, what if my spouse has an affair and is sexually unfaithful?"
One day a husband walked by his study and noticed his wife reading their marriage license. "Honey," he asked sarcastically, "Why are you reading our marriage license?" She replied, "I'll tell you why! I'm trying to find some kind of loophole."
In Matthew 19 Jesus essentially says to drop the preoccupation with loopholes. Marriage is forever. What God has joined together, let man not separate. In Matthew 19:8 (NIV) Jesus says, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning." Divorce was never a part of God's plan. Marriage is God's design, not men's. Marriage is forever, not for a while.
Marriage requires reconciliation, not retribution.
It is often noted that Jesus seems to permit divorce in the case of a spouse's infidelity. Notice that in this circumstance that divorce is permitted, not commanded. The model for marriage in the Old Testament is God's faithfulness to Israel. The model for marriage in the New Testament is Christ's love for his Church. The model throughout all of scripture is reconciliation, forgiveness, and restoration.
When human beings fail in relationships, the best fix is reconciliation. The best fix is not divorce, not separation, not living together, and not some other plan. Following the example of Christ, God wants us to extend forgiveness and never close the door for the possibility of an ongoing relationship. God never closed the door on Israel and Christ will never close the door on us.
John Stott, a pastor who is respected globally said, "I have made the rule to never speak with anybody about divorce until I have first spoken with him (or her) about two other subjects, namely... marriage and reconciliation."
There is a story about a woman and her husband who came to a pastor and said, "Pastor, we're going to get a divorce. We're sick of each other. Things aren't working out. Every morning we fight with each other. We're done trying. Pastor, we'd kind of like to know if you approve of our decision?" After a brief pause, the pastor shook his head and said, "Nah, I don't know. The Bible says you're to love your wife as Jesus Christ loved the Church." "Whoa... pastor, I can't do that" said the husband. "Come on now. We don't get along."
"Well," said the pastor, "if you can't begin at that level, then begin on a lower level. The Bible says you are supposed to love your neighbor as you love yourself. Can you at least love her as you would love a neighbor?" "Pastor, that's impossible. That is still too high a level." At that, the pastor said, "Well there is still one more level. The Bible says, 'Love your enemies.' Begin there."
God's grace is extended to those who divorce.
Earlier in the service we talked about God's grace. God's grace is for everyone. God's grace is for you, it's for your spouse, and it's for all of us through faith in Jesus Christ. Divorce, adultery and other sins against the marriage relationship are not unforgivable sins.
If you have sinned against the marriage relationship, in Jesus Christ you can be forgiven and receive healing just like anyone else. In Jesus Christ, you can have the confidence that God loves you every bit as much as he loves those who have remained married for a lifetime. In Jesus Christ, you can be found pure, blameless, and free from accusation. In Jesus Christ, you can be restored to fellowship with your creator. In Jesus Christ, you can receive God's Holy Spirit to refresh your soul and to free you from shame, guilt, and the defeat you feel.
Just because God's design for your marriage got wrecked doesn't mean that his design for your life has to get wrecked too. God's design for marriage is one man for one woman for a lifetime, not divorce. God's design for our lives is eternal life and fellowship with God, not condemnation. God's desire right now for your life is restoration. He wants to reconcile you to himself through the blood of Jesus Christ.
Today God wants us to commit ourselves to walking in a life of obedience. He wants us to confess our sins and seek his forgiveness. He wants us to genuinely repent and sincerely pledge ourselves to live obediently. He wants us to trust him with our lives. He wants us to trust him when he says that living according to his design is what is truly best.
If you're living together without marriage, make a promise to God today that you will begin living today according to his design. If you are in a marriage union and are living through an act of adultery or sin, pledge yourselves to live according to God's will until death do you part. If you are a contemplating divorce as a fix to your marriage troubles, you are just at the beginning of your troubles. Make reconciliation your number one priority.
If you are in a violent or dangerous situation, get help for your relationship immediately. Don't put yourself in harm's way. Pursue every avenue of reconciliation and healing that you can find. If you are dating or contemplating marriage, make every effort to choose your spouse carefully and learn to love each other unconditionally and put Jesus Christ in the center of your relationship.
In all things may we remain faithful. Until death dous part. What God has joined together, let man not separate!