Last week we spoke about a young family in Old Testament that was in crisis. A severe famine struck Bethlehem, causing a young Hebrew Father, his wife Naomi, and two sons, to settle in the neighboring country of Moab. While there, the father died, leaving the mother Naomi to raise her two sons. As soon her two sons grew up, they married two Moabite women (Orpah and Ruth). Tragically, Noami's two sons also died, and she finds herself a widow, w/o family, and no real hope of maintaining a livelihood.
Hearing that God had provided for his people in Bethlehem, Naomi feels a return to Bethlehem is her best bet. But with all that happened, she'd begun feeling sad for herself, that she was really all alone in the world. She even began to blame God, believing God had turned his hand against her (Ruth 1:13).
When times are good, we're delighted by all the good things in life. But then a famine, or flood, or circumstance comes along that changes everything. A person can slip from feeling delighted to feeling discouraged, depressed, destitute, even spiritually defeated. Today I want to explore ways we might respond to a person in crisis.
Three Responses to Need... First, Orpah's Response.
"Orpah wept" about Naomi's plight, only to kiss her goodbye (Ruth 1:14).
I'm not suggesting anyone condemn Orpah, I'm sure there were a lot of factors that affected her decision. Not everyone is in a position to respond to a crisis situation. How many times have you seen a person in need, but not been in a position to respond?
There were times in the gospels Jesus chose not to respond to pressing needs, in order to give priority to rest, preaching, prayer, the training of the twelve. I'm not talking about making excuses not to help someone, or turning a cold shoulder. Sometimes were just not in a position to respond. No matter how great our intentions, we cannot say YES to every need. There are practical limitations to what we can do.
Maybe you've noticed how people, especially religious people, can put tremendous pressure on you. Have you ever been guilted or shamed by someone? As a pastor people will say, "If you're a true Christian... If you're a real pastor... If your church really loves Jesus... you would..."
A while back I came across a quote that has given me permission to say NO. The quote is that, "When you make a promise, you build hope. When you keep it, you build trust. When you break a promise you destroy both." Even Jesus said "Let your yes be yes and your no, no anything beyond this comes from the evil one."
There is wisdom in not promising something unless your sure to follow through. Because people put such tremendous pressure, guilt, shame on you... It can take courage to say no. Maybe this was Orpah's situation. Who can know?
Second, Ruth's Response.
Ruth's response was nothing short of extraordinary. In fact, most commentators would say her response is divine (Ruth 1:14). Ruth "clung" to Naomi. Here is what Ruth tells Naomi (Ruth 1:16-17), "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me."
Ruth appears in verses 16-18 to be making an absolute commitment to Naomi. This probably raises more questions than answers. Can we make such a commitment to a person in need? Should we? Are there reasons we should or shouldn't? Do we owe a different level of commitment to family vs non-family? Is it healthy, godly, beneficial, good to be "wed" to a person in need? What if their needs swallow us up?
A bit of insight about Ruth's and Naomi... Ruth wanted to assure Naomi "I'm here for you." This is a covenantal, vow-based relationship. A son/daughter might make this type of vow to a parent. A husband/wife make these kinds of vows to each other, and their family. Friends sometimes make this vow to one another. Two siblings. Two believers. A couple adopting a child w/special needs would make a vow of sorts.
I've made the "Ruth" vow to Lara. Not formally, but I've made this commitment to Lara's parents because outside of Lara they have no other kids! There is just Lara. I will also care for my parents, though my three other siblings will be involved! We have a particular obligation before God to care for our families.
The hard part about making a vow like Ruth's is finding a healthy balance. Needs always require a mixture of personal responsibility and mercy. I've had family members who've found themselves in extreme need. Mercy is absolutely necessary to help them get unstuck and move forward. For example, when my brother got out of jail, a number of people including a few of you, helped my brother after he got out of jail. He needed mercy (real help) to get a fresh start, but not so much that he'd fail to take personal responsibility. You can be completely "FOR" a person without disabling their personal development, individuality, and responsibility. Ruth's vow didn't disable Naomi. It wasn't a "codependent" relationship. It was commitment to one another's well-being. And it was a reciprocal relationship. Naomi does as much for Ruth and Ruth does for Naomi.
A key principle is this... how can two walk together for a day much less a lifetime, unless they agree on their path? The metaphorical guy standing on a street corner, or who walks up to our church off the highway, often wants mercy but doesn't want to take personal responsibility. He/she wants you to assume responsibility for all the chaos they've created in their life. They try to blur that line between where they end and you begin. They want you to carry the weight of their sin.
Covenantal relationships only work between like-minded people who share a common goal. If you're going to be Ruth, Be careful what you promise. Be careful to follow through, and not break trust. Enter into such relationships slowly, with wisdom.
A Third Response is that of Boaz
In my opinion, Boaz's assistance to Naomi is the healthier, more realistic, more organic, and most sustainable approach of all. Let me share a few highlights about the way Boaz responded to Naomi and Ruth in their time of need.
>He Sought First to Understand Before Helping.
Boaz heard all about Naomi and Ruth upon their return to Bethlehem. Just about every presenting need looks/feels urgent. You really cannot judge needs, even apparent critical needs, by appearances. Its important to understand the larger context of a person's situation. If a person will not offer transparency its hard to offer any anything more than limited help. I always get a person's story before helping them beyond essentials. I'll help the guy on the corner, but he has to share his story.
>He Maintained Appropriate Boundaries.
[READ Ruth 2:1-13] Sometimes in the name of compassion, we bleed into another person. We become the rescuer, who swoops in to save the day. When you blur the lines between yourself and others, you weaken yourself, you weaken the other party, and you undermine the relationship. Strong boundaries strengthen relationships and set them up for success. Boaz had a clear sense of what he was prepared to do for Ruth and Naomi, and what he was not. He gave clear instructions regarding their care, their protection. He ensured that they receive mercy but not at the expense of personal responsibility. If we're going to respond its important we establish clear guidelines, and a plan, ahead of time. Know exactly what you are prepared to do or not do. Its all right there in Ruth 2.
>He Responded to Critical Needs Immediately.
There are some needs that you always respond to whether you know a persons story or not. For example, there are something things I almost always find myself willing to do for a person in need.
I always give water. I always give basic food. I always give basic clothing. God causes his rain to fall on the righteous and the unrighteous. [Myanmar].
I always give dignity. I always give eye contact, and attempt touch. I call a person by name (memory permitting!). Sometimes they've gone months without eye contact, touch, or hearing their name. To see, touch, and call someone by name is to humanize a person! Without human touch we become utterly hard indeed!
I always give person conversation (unless its some extenuating circumstance). God is never inaccessible. He invites us to pray, to converse, always. This is more important to people than sometimes even food, clothing, or other items. They greatest need is to talk, to be known, to share your story. You can meet people's greatest needs without spending a dollar out of your pocket.
I always offer refuge. Refuge isn't about providing shelter. Refuge is about providing safety. I do everything within the authority God has delegated me to provide a pathway to safety. Sometimes this means calling authorities, especially if children are involved. Sometimes it means polling my network of relationships. Beyond this, I'm not savior. And we can't do much of anything for that person who returns to their danger over and over. We cannot be responsible for a person intent on harming themselves. We sometimes provide emergency shelter. But it depends. If a person has lived in a "state of emergency" for months we will refuse shelter to force them to take needed step for their own good.
I always give wisdom. God gives wisdom without finding fault. God will not be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. There is a law of gravity. A law of common sense. A law of personal responsibility. Our job isn't to be nice. Our job is to help people face reality, live in reality, and flourish. Being NICE is often a subtle form of evil. Being GOOD means speaking truth in love, giving wisdom. This is not about me. This is about obedience to God. If a person tramples on pearls only then stop throwing pearls. God creates us "out of mud" but not "for the mud." Sometimes a person needs to be humbled by the mud before their receptive. If that's the case, WAIT till their receptive.
I always offer hope, and whenever possible, a testimony of faith. Sometimes a person isn't ready to hear. They are so hardened, you have to show them care and build trust even to get them to talk. That is extreme but it happens. God always holds out hope for us in the gospel. As a pastor people are expecting to throw scripture grenades and "preach" and "judge" and "condemn." Be hopeful and optimistic, encouraging, whenever possible.
>He Provided Gracious Opportunities
I never give cash to a stranger. But I always try to give a person a gracious opportunity. Gracious opportunities are different than giving cash. A gracious opportunity requires resourcefulness, strong networking, creativity, discernment, wisdom, adaptability, accountability. In the case of Ruth and Noami, Boaz provided a gracious opportunity for them to get back on their feet. A gracious opportunity is a plan, it's a pathway from point A to point B. It might be educational. A GED. Job training. It might be an opportunity.
>He Pointed Ruth/Naomi to God.
When Ruth wanted to know why she was being helped, Boaz reminded her God was providing. Its not me, its God! Ruth 2:11-12. It so important as we help people that we speak God's favor over their lives, bless them, enrich their faith.
>He Opened his Home, Table, Welcomed Them...
Noami was bitter. Ruth was an unworthy servant, humbled, obligated to fulfill her vow unto death. Ruth and Naomi could have easily become Boaz's "project." But as their story progresses, he welcomes them into home. He gave them a seat at his own table. He included them not a second-case citizens, but as equals. It's easy for us to develop a sense of superiority over those we help. But not Boaz. He saw that God was bringing both Ruth, Noami, and himself together to form a new family.
BOAZ gives us realistic model to follow. Communion picture of God bringing insiders/outsiders together as one family... Table reminder to love one another...