As we have discovered in recent weeks, the Old Testament book of Proverbs compares and contrasts the way of the wise with the way of the foolish. Wise people fear God. They respect God’s commands. They pursue the path of righteousness, having the utmost confidence that the righteous path is leading to deeper life in God. In contrast, foolish people have no fear of God. They are indifferent. They follow the way that seems right at the time and don’t care too much for God’s ways. They have total confidence that they are their own best guide to life.
Proverbs encourages us to discern the way of the wise and the way of the foolish and to ask a simple question: Who has the deeper, more satisfying experience of life? Is it the one who fears God and who lives within the boundaries he has set for her? Or is it the one who disregards God, casting aside all restraint, living for what feels right to her? You might presume to already know the answer, but let’s not take godly living for granted. Instead, let's dig a little deeper and discover the wisdom of God’s ways.
Why is God’s way better? How does God’s way lead to a more fulfilling life? How does obeying God’s will add length to one’s life? How does ignoring God’s will invite trouble and hardship into our lives? Where have our life experiences confirmed that God’s way is best? Where have our life experiences taught us that God’s way is not best? What sound reasons do we have for doing God’s will? And what rationalizations or justifications do we have for going our own way? Is your way of life achieving for you what you hoped it would? Why or why not?
When the tongue is under control, the body is under control.
One major trouble area the book of Proverbs tackles is our speech. Our tongue is arguably the single most overlooked area of Christian discipleship. I am challenged by James 3:2 (NIV), "We all stumble in many ways." (That's the overstatement of the year, right?) "If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check." If we bring our tongues under control, we can bring our whole body under control.
James goes on to explain how our tongue controls the whole course of our lives. James 3:3-6 (NIV) says, "When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell."
James 3:7-10 (NIV) says, "All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be."
You can see why James says that if anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man who is able to keep his whole body in check. Control the rudder to steer the ship. Control the bit and the whole animal obeys. Control the spark to prevent the forest fire. Tame the tongue and you will tame the whole man. Let’s take some time to survey some of the foolish, destructive uses of the tongue. You may be overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of examples found in Proverbs.
"Trivial" infractions of the tongue.
False promises
First, the seemingly trivial infractions of the tongue. There are false promises, when we promise something we may or may not intend to follow through on. "I’ll pray for you." "I’ll have it to you by tomorrow." "I’ll be there for your game." " I’ll help you paint your garage." Proverbs 3:28 (NIV) says, "Do not say to your neighbor, 'Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow', when you have it with you."
Careless words
Or how about careless words? I know a guy who went to his boss’s secretary and began poking fun at his boss’s boring suits, cheesy color coordination and obnoxious ties. As his self-induced laughter carried throughout the office, the secretary pointed to her boss’s office, which was adjacent to the secretary’s office and within earshot. The employee's face reddened as he mouthed the words, "Is he in there?" He then dropped to his knees and literally crawled into his boss’s office where he apologized all over himself. His boss was gracious and he didn’t lose his job. Proverbs 10:14 (NIV) says, "Wise men store up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool invites ruin."
Perhaps you have been the victim of reckless words. Reckless words are words that cut straight to the heart and are deeply personal. When I was a freshman in Bible college, there was a guy that had really bad dandruff. His skin flaked and fell onto his shoulders. One day I was in his dorm room and we were sparring back and forth. Before I even realized what I said, out slipped a reckless comment about it snowing. It was less than funny. Reckless words can pertain to a person’s intelligence, past mistakes, appearance, weight, handicap, physical defect, relationships, and more. Proverbs 12:23 (NIV) says, "A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly."
Flattery
And we should mention such things as flattery. Flattery is when we compliment someone excessively in order to manipulate them in some way. Or it is when we compliment someone insincerely. "Oh, you did a wonderful job." "You really blessed the church with that solo." "That cake was delicious." "You’re the greatest boss I have ever had.” Proverbs 26:28 (NIV) says, "A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin." Proverbs 27:14 (NIV) says, "If a man loudly blesses his neighbor in the morning, it will be taken as a curse." Proverbs 29:5 (NIV) says, "Whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet."
Laughter
There is laughter, which is used to mask or conceal the true pain someone may be causing us. Proverbs 14:13 (NIV) says, "Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief."
Nagging
And there is nagging, that constant dripping on a rainy day, that antagonizes and exasperates others into action. Proverbs 27:15-16 (NIV) says, "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand."
We shrug off many of these misdemeanors. But how do false promises, careless words, reckless insults, flattery, nagging, or masking laughter produce healthier relationships? How do they enhance our lives or the lives of those around us?
Blatant violations with the tongue.
False accusations
In Proverbs there are seemingly trivial infractions, but then there are blatant violations. There are false accusations, when we lie about another person in order to destroy his credibility. False accusations can consist of generalizations or flat assertions. "He's always angry." "She never tells the truth." False accusations can involve deliberate exaggeration. "He didn’t just say it. He said it with fire in his eyes. He shouted it. Everyone stopped and looked. Some laughed."
False accusations are the weapon of choice for those who do not have a case. From time to time there are people who grow discontented about a change or situation in the church. Instead of working through their feelings they go personal. They build an alliance of anger based on insinuations instead of facts. "The preacher didn’t shake my hand." "He didn’t visit me in the hospital." "He didn’t see me in that store." "He made a passing reference to me in that sermon." "He doesn’t seem spiritual." "I sensed an evil presence when he said that." Proverbs 3:30 (NIV) says, "Do not accuse a man for no reason--when he has done you no harm."
Gossip
And then there is the person who gossips. This is one who receives, magnifies, and propagates mistruths and lies. The gossip turns close friends into enemies. She fans ill feelings into a fire. The gossip betrays confidences. The gossip is a magnet that draws discontentment out of people. She feeds on and validates the foolish accusations of others. "Really? Tell me more!" "I’ve sensed that." "He did what? Who told you?" "How many others feel this way?" "Keep me informed." "I’ll be sure to pray about that."
Proverbs 11:13 (NIV) says, "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret." Proverbs 26:20-22 (NIV) says, "Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down. As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling srife. The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts."
Other examples of blatant misuse of the tongue.
There are words that are spoken in haste, without regard for the person involved. There are harsh, spirit-crushing words that diminish, belittle, embarrass, offend, and insult. There are words that incite. My father-in-law enjoys competent service at restaurants and isn’t afraid to speak to a manager if necessary. But I love to antagonize him and try to help him get hot around the collar. So I try to incite him by saying things like, "Sure is taking a long time to seat us." "We've been here five minutes and they haven’t taken our drink order yet." "I'll bet our waitress is taking a break." "Is your silverware dirty?" "There's our waitress. She's waiting on those people who were seated after us."
There are arrogant words, proud words, boastful words, entrapping words, seductive words, deceptive words, divisive words, outright lies, words of false witnesses, bloodthirsty words, godless words, perverse words, betraying words, and evil words. There are cursing words, spoken out of anger and uncontrolled emotion. Proverbs 29:11 (NIV) says, "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." You can see why James describes the tongue as a fire, a restless evil, deadly poison, a world of evil among the body, even being set on fire by hell.
Do Christians have better control of their tongues than non-Christians?
Let me say one more thing about the tongue before moving on. I have spent my entire life in the Church, from the youngest age I can remember until now. I have been on both sides of the equation. I have been a churchgoer and a church member and most recently, a pastor in a church. We Christians struggle just as much with our uncontrolled tongues as do non-Christians. I have been on the receiving end of the best and the worst the tongue has to offer. I have seen lives transformed through proper Christian speech, but too often I have seen people’s lives spiritually shipwrecked and devastated through gossip, false accusations, godless and perverse speech, betrayed confidences, false promises, flattery, masking humor, and reckless and careless words.
I would be lying if I were to imply that I’ve been perfect and never at fault. None of us, none of us, are perfect in the area of speech. But what I want to say is that there is a world’s worth of difference between the occasional misdemeanor and the flagrant felonies that are so often committed by Christians. There are those among us this morning who need to hear a clear word from God. Stop gossiping! Stop entertaining false accusations! Stop feeding negativity! Stop inciting hostilities! Stop being divisive! Stop the fault finding! Stop the phony flattery! Stop playing with matches!
None of these things build healthy relationships. None of these things build trust and inspire confidence in others. None of these things promote harmony, unity, and reconciliation. None of these things enhance your life or the lives of others. Instead, these things foster evil suspicions, faultfinding, judgmentalism, anger, hurt, disharmony, impure thoughts, and evil desires. These things bring out the worst in us.
Proverbs 18:21 (NIV) says, "The tongue has the power of life and death." This is something we need to be conscious of every single time we open our mouths. Our words, if left uncontrolled, can shipwreck people. They can poison. They can inflame. They can harm. They kill and destroy our lives and the lives of others. No exaggeration. But they can also hold the power of life for others if we choose our words properly. The fool speaks before weighing the impact of his words. The wise measure their words. The wise use their tongues as instruments of righteousness.
Powerful, godly, positive, life-giving uses of the tongue.
So you have a good picture of how the tongue is misused. Let me briefly summarize the powerful, positive, godly, life-giving uses of the tongue. I am encouraging you to consider the hundreds of references to the tongue in that are in Proverbs. Our tongues should be used to teach others constructively so that others can grow and mature. Any fool can be critical, but only the wise take the time to be constructive and helpful.
Our tongues should be used to convey knowledge and truth. Any fool can spout mistruths and misinformation, but the wise take the time to discover the truth and set the gossip straight with the facts. Our tongues should be used to foster honesty and mutual respect. Any fool can insinuate motives, lie, and slander. Only the wise take time to gain understanding.
Our tongues should be used to promote the truth, even at great cost. Any fool can lie his way out of a tight corner, take short cuts, compromise his values, or sell his soul. The wise tell the truth no matter what. They pay the price. They cut their losses.
Our tongues should be full of grace and truth. We should be willing to rebuke, correct, and admonish. Any fool can dance around the elephant in the room. Any fool can ignore, avoid, appease, or flatter, because being liked is more important than saving someone’s soul from danger. Only the wise take appropriate risks to speak the truth in love. Only the wise demonstrate a firm and kind spirit.
Our tongues should be under the Spirit’s control. Any fool can lapse into unrestrained ranting and raving, uncontrolled cursing and bouts of rage, perverse, reckless, careless speech, and the like. But only the wise can hold their tongues. They can be quiet and still. They can sit in silence while they discern their next syllable. Only the wise can show the restraint of Christ. Only the wise can guard their tongues.
I haven’t even begun to talk in detail about the appropriate uses of the tongue. Let me encourage you to read Proverbs and discover the appropriate uses for yourself. I journaled my way through Proverbs paying specific attention to this topic. It has been one of the most challenging and personally rewarding studies I’ve ever done.
Why does God's way lead to a more fulfilling life for us?
Just now I want to revisit some questions I asked you earlier in this sermon. Proverbs contrasts the wise use of the tongue with the foolish use of the tongue. Is there anyone who would disagree with the writer's characterizations about foolish speech? Is there anyone who sees any practical, life-giving benefit in uncontrolled speech?
Why is God’s way better? How does God’s way lead to a more fulfilling life? How does obeying God’s will in this area add length to one’s life? How does ignoring God’s will in regards to our speech invite trouble and hardship into our lives? Where have our life experiences confirmed that God’s way is best? Where have our life experiences taught us that God’s way is not best? What sound reasons do we have for doing God’s will? And what rationalizations or justifications do we have for going our own way? Is your way of speech achieving for you what you hoped it would? Why or why not?
The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. That’s the thesis of Proverbs. Are you going to continue going the way that seems right and feels the most gratifying in the heat of the moment? Or are you going to bring your tongue under the control of God’s spirit?